i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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