in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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