my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
