Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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