A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
