end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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