Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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