I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
