Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
