he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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