my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
