So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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