like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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