I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
