i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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