Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
