brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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