I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No subtext here. People are naked.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
