My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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