I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
