Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
