new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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