Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
