Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I miss vodka workout Fridays
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
