I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
