Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
