It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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