It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
