I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
