I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
