no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
