This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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