I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
