I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
