I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
