Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
