Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
