Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
