how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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