im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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