i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
