I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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