you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
