Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
