All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
