Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
