I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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