NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
