I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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