wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
