I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
